I'm very suicidal.?

I've kept it a secret since I'm so afraid people will think I'm a freak. But, I'm 14 and extremely suicidal. When I walk to school, I always hope a car will hit me. I've always been dirt poor and have had no childhood. My parents abused me, they divorced, my mom and her new Bf were more violent and stole my money. I was finally kicked out a while back. I've been allover the place since. I've been alone and without friends for years. I cut, I take painkillers daily and drink alcohol. I already tried suicide with poisoning myself, it just left me slow in the head. I used to beat kids up and attend anger management, but now I get beat up, but I'm the most peaceful person now. I don't eat much either, and I'm loosing weight, I'm cold in 90 degree weather. My doctors think I might have cancer too. Every morning, I always just try to smile, but something always comes and ruins it. I have insomnia, I always have nightmares and night sweats. I cant stay awake at all, I get dizzy and blackout, I stumble when I walk. I used to have straight As, but now I'm failing since I've been allover the place and I can't think with all my suicidal thoughts. I'm a weak, and pathetic person, I'll never make it in life. I can't even talk to people, I'm extremely paranoid and afraid of them. I have a huge fear of telephones. I'm religous, I pray to God nightly and carry a gold charm of the Virgin of Guadalupe with me daily, yet they don't seem to help, I feel God hates me and wants me to die as well. I'm a mess...